Tell me who you would be if you weren’t who you are today.
Tell me which desk you would be sitting behind and in which office if you weren’t where you are today.
Remorse and discontent creep in when you are doing your best to be distracted, trying to make it make meaning. You live your everyday life trying to make ends meet, trying to build some form of dignity to your life, and at some point, you look back and wonder who in the heavens you have become.
As you may have noted, I am trying to be deliberate with my choice of imperatives. Otherwise, stronger wording would have nailed the picture. Pun.
I am sitting here wondering if it’s more chocolate I need, or less, or a change of station, or entire career — even if I should go back to school at my age, with my income, and my hours, commitments, and distance to everything.
I am wondering if it is issues from my personal relationships, or really that they can be fixed by my relationship to myself.
I am also wondering if I need to eat better or eat less.
I am learning that good intentions are not always enough. You have to deliver. You have to put in the work and get the needed results. Of what use is candy if you can’t rip the wrapper, if you can’t reach it, if it stays displayed behind a glass cabinet. Good as you may be, loved by many as you may be, if you do not show up as needed, you will not progress.
Photo by laura adai on Unsplash
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