I play it cool

I will play it cool
I will play it cool when I miss you and feel drawn to you
When you’re busy and I can’t get to you
I can’t call you and I can’t text you
Because you might not reply and I hate not being
Responded to

And you are
Out there in the big bad world
While I’m
Making sense of these new grounds
Trying to get a headstart in life
Again
In a planet of the groomed and the eloquent

I feel
The lesser
Everytime I think of you
And think of reaching out to you
And get mad that you
Don’t reach out to me
And you keep reminding me
That you’re in the big bad world
That you’re out there saving lives
Making decisions, mending the universe
Always on critical time

That the world is on your shoulders
That battalions march at your orders
That you’re Achilles and kingdoms fall
If not for you
And so I’m supposed to
Stay cool

So I do

Because I am a woman
And to speak my heart would be self-incrimination

It would take
Potlucks of courage
To even sing this serenade
Because you are young
And ambitious
And conquering
Classified impossible missions
While I’m told to
Cap my feelings
Deep them in my handbag
Make them swim and swirl
With my tutti-frutti lip balm
And my ID and visa cards
Leaving them to
Snuggle
With my round pocket mirror
And my usb mobile phone charger
Tangling up with
My slim black earphones
And eye pencils
And tissues
And body lotions

And it’s okay
If my shampoo bottle accidentally opens
And its contents spill on them and soak on them
Let them muffle them and choke on them
Let them silence them
And
Anything but let them peep
Beyond the zip
Lest you catch their whiff
In daytime’s Savannah breeze

So I play it cool

And at this point
Let go of you too.

__

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